Am I a Trans Fag?
What is a trans fag?
For the purposes of this article, a trans fag is a faggot who is trans. More specifically, a trans individual who:
- was assigned female at birth,
- is romantically and/or sexually attracted to men, and
- generally has a complicated relationship with masculinity and femininity.
While there has undoubtedly always been people who we might classify as trans fags nowadays, the ability to be a trans fag and name it as such is an incredibly recent phenomenon. Historically speaking, trans fags were barred from transitioning. Existing literature on trans and gay identities rarely acknowledge trans fags. Because of this absence, it is often challenging for trans fags to realize that we are, in fact, trans fags.
It is quite common to see trans fags fretting about their sexual and gender identity. In an effort to ease this burden, I present a list of experiences that might indicate that you are a trans fag.
You might be a trans fag if…
- …you inexplicably feel like a trans woman (in that you wish you could transition to male and back to female).
- …“man” doesn’t feel right, but “nonbinary” doesn’t either.
- …terms like FTX, FTNB, androgynous, bigender, genderqueer, and so on resonate with you.
- …you are apathetic, disgusted, or disturbed by the idea of having a sexual and/or romantic relationship with a man.
- …that apathy, disgust, or disturbance dissipates when you imagine yourself having a sexual and/or romantic relationship with a man as a man.
- …you like the idea of being feminine but actually being feminine makes you want to die.
- …you’re scared that transitioning means that current and/or potential male partners will stop desiring you.
- …you have delayed or avoided coming out and/or transitioning to remain desirable to current or potential male partners.
- …you’ve thought on more than one occasion that you feel like a gay man.
- …you felt intense shame and guilt about feeling like a gay man.
- …you are strongly drawn to tender and romantic depictions of men in love.
- …you feel guilt or shame about being drawn to those depictions.
- …you worry that your attraction to men is somehow sexually predatory.
- …you feel like an intruder or imposter with every letter and subgroup under the LGBTQ+ umbrella.
- …you would enjoy being a woman if you could take it all off at the end of the day.
- …you simultaneously identify with men and feel completely alienated from them.
How do you know that these experiences mean I’m a trans fag and not something else?
I don’t. But I have plenty of experience as a trans fag who knows dozens of other trans fags. The list above are characteristic of someone who is struggling with internalized transphobia and internalized homophobia. To be a fag is to be understood as a sexual deviant and gender fuck-up. Now add the extra layer of being trans on top of it and you have an absolute clusterfuck of confusion and neuroticism. It is understandably difficult to clearly articulate to the world, “I want to transition in a way that will have me read as male by society at large, but I do not really feel very masculine because I want to dance in a mesh crop top and make out with hot bears who tell me that I’m a pretty boy.” If that’s not relatable, insert your fantasy there. I’m sure it still checks out.
I think I might be a trans fag. What now?
Welcome, brother! Here’s my advice.
- Connect with other trans fags. If there’s others in your area, absolutely make contact with them. But if you’re like me, you’re basically one of two trans fags as far as the eye can see. Fortunately, there are so many of us online. Stick around.
- Connect with other trans people, period. Since transitioning, I have found a lot of camaraderie with trans women, for instance. That has only made my life much better. You’re going to need the support.
- TRANSITION. Believe me, I understand painfully well that sometimes you just can’t do it. I waited 8 years to start transitioning. But we also live in a world that is already transphobic, becoming more intensely transphobic, and becoming more intensely transphobic to trans men. Anti-transfaggotry is on the rise as well as people realize that we exist. I bring this up to say that the world gives you a million reasons why you shouldn’t transition. Interrogate your reasons why you’re not transitioning and determine if those are really justified. Don’t let them discourage you. It is extremely hard to take that leap of faith. You are going to lose people. People are going to be insensitive, unempathetic, and mean. But you are going to feel so much better in the end. They can’t stomp us out if we refuse to disappear. Channel some German cockroach energy, if you will. If you absolutely positively cannot transition, then the connections with other trans people are going to be your lifeline.
- Don’t be scared of men. Now, I will say, this is unfortunately easier said than done. In my experience, men are worse to me as a fag than they were to me as a woman. There are always the guys out there who really suck. But there is also so much to gain in just embracing manhood. You’re a fag, after all. Have some pride. Even if the men around you suck, you have the chance to be the shining example of a guy who doesn’t. 5.If you want to date, find a partner who loves you for being a trans fag. Accept nothing less, even if it means being single. Being single is not a death sentence. Being undesired is not a death sentence. Don’t make yourself smaller for someone who will never really respect you or make you happy.
In Conclusion
…be a faggot. You’ll be better off for it.